[ Dean is no poet, though he might have read a few here and there (it's a great way to impress the ladies).
i like a book of agony, because i know it is true.
Explaining how he feels about the angel is difficult, because Cas is an angel, and he's also the first person (being?) Dean has ever really, truly loved. Cassie and Lisa were a close second, but even his affection for the two women pales in comparison to how it feels to be with Cas, to have those fingers push into his hair, to have plush, kiss stung lips brushing his.
Truthfully, there really aren't words to describe it, this thing between them, so vast and extraordinary; simple adjectives fall short, the syntax paltry, a child trying to describe unimaginable, unearthly beauty.
He covers Cas' hand with his, lacing fingers, cock hard between his thighs as he rumbles against Cas' lips. ]
You keep this up and I'm not gonna be able to hold back. [ There's an injury here, and as much as Dean is very interested in upholding his promise, there is the little matter of Cas' wound. ]
[ Prior to raising Dean from Hell, Castiel hadn't been on Earth in centuries, and even then, his trip was brief. He'd only spent a good deal of time on Earth long before that, when holy wars involved actual representatives of God defending the world against Lucifer, and not simply the petty grievances men held over imaginary boundaries between their lands. He'd stumbled across the occasional poet or artist in Heaven, but it was entirely accidental, and there's a great deal of poetry that Castiel has never read or heard in his long lifetime. He would adore Emily Dickenson. Dean should recite it to him some time.
Not right now, though. As apt as poetry would be for how the warmth of Dean's skin and the softness of his lips itself feels to Castiel like poetry or song, he's much more content on keeping Dean's lips occupied just the way they are. Dean's hand covers his, and Castiel lifts his fingers away to tangle them instantly with Dean's. Their joined hands drop to the sheets as Castiel pulls Dean in, holding him tighter, kissing him deeply until Dean's voice interrupts and Castiel is forced to lean back and make space between them enough to put meaning in the words. ]
Good. Don't hold back.
[ Castiel doesn't see the problem. His injury is numbed, wounds all forgotten, and Dean is warm and pliant. He tastes like beer and salt, the freckles on his cheeks stand out beautifully when he's flushed like this, and everything Castiel remembers from their last time in bed together, he wants again. He wants to experience Dean the way only other humans can; he wants to give himself, graceless and vulnerable, completely over to Dean's care. ]
I want you.
[ The words are simple but the meaning of that word, wanting, feels like the depths of the ocean: dark and secret and unimaginable to all but the creatures that exist there. Castiel kisses Dean's mouth again, fully but briefly, before pulling back and kissing the back of his hand where their fingers are twined. He kisses the back of each of Dean's fingers apologetically before letting him go completely, and leaning back, he tugs the shirt Dean had given him reluctantly over his head, sets its messily on the bed, and reaches immediately back in to kiss Dean heatedly again. ]
[ Again, Cas' touch and eager kiss sends a thrill down his spine, because Dean is so very touch starved, desperate for human contact, needy in his own skin. He wears layer upon layer to protect himself, nesting in t-shirts and flannels and jackets, each layer a shield around his heart and soul. It's odd to be so open with the angel, to allow him in, to let Cas see the pieces of himself Dean has so fastidiously kept behind tall, protective walls.
Cas makes it easy, though. Maybe it's because there's an angel within the vessel of Jimmy Novak, maybe it's because Cas was first and foremost his friend, maybe it's because Dean is finally pulling his head out of his own damn ass long enough to see that there isn't anything wrong with him caring intimately about someone of the opposite sex. Maybe it's because it's more than physical with Cas.
Same sex relationships have always been just fine for other people, because it isn't Dean, and he doesn't have to admit he's heart wrenchingly jealous to anyone but the most secret, protected part of himself. Dean has been uncomfortable in the presence of such humans only because of his own insecurity and repressed wants and needs and cravings and friggin' hang-ups.
In the end though, it's fine for them. Perfectly fine. Love is love, all that. But for Dean, specifically...
No, it's less than fine. It was never fine; if he ever caught himself looking, he would hear his fathers disappointed voice in his head, scolding him, reminding him he's a man, he's a Winchester, and besides all that - he has a job to do.
In truth - Dean actually has no idea how his father would have reacted. To Cas, to Dean having an interest in him, to any of this. He's got a pretty damn good idea about it just based off of when his father was born and the people he grew up around, but there is no real way of knowing. Daddy is dead, and Dean is here, sitting on the edge of a bed with an actual angel, who is kissing him desperately, hungrily, with so much feeling it leaves Dean breathless and shivery, reaching to slip an arm around Cas' now bare waist, warm skin on skin, intoxicating in its chemistry. ]
Cas-- [ Logic dictates he stop, check the bandage, make sure Cas is actually fine before they go any farther, but their mouths clash again and Dean closes his eyes, stars colliding around them, starbursts behind his eyelids. ]
[ Before Castiel knew Dean Winchester for the man he is, he'd heard of him: the righteous man. He'd seen what Dean had done in Hell, and what had become of him, but Castiel didn't know until he knit together the pieces of Dean's soul how truly good he is. He felt it there in the very essence of what Dean was, not that Dean was honest, or pure, or holy, but that he was caring. The emotion he'd felt from Dean was almost overwhelming, and when Castiel was able to look in Dean's eyes, he could see that spirit reflected there.
Dean is wonderous; he's infinitely loving. Whatever his insecurities are, Castiel has always seen past them. It isn't with pity or desperation that he offers himself to Castiel; it's love. Dean has always shown him love in one form or another, and Castiel hesitates to call it romantic, but he feels it. And without his grace, that passionate form of love for Dean is only stronger. He leans into Dean, kissing him feverishly, and the wrap of Dean's arm around his bare waist, pulling him closer, has Castiel gasping against Dean's mouth and burning hotter. ]
Yes.
[ Dean offers himself, and that's what Castiel wants: to have Dean for himself, to hold him, and cherish him in every way three dimensions will allow. His hands leave Dean's cheeks to push between them, and he pulls at Dean's shirt, urging him to bare more skin. Yes, he has Dean, but... ]
I want more of you.
[ He wants Dean in ways there aren't words in any human language for. He wants to consume him without destruction, to join him without separation. There's probably poetry that's eloquent enough, but Castiel can't think of anything but of Dean's mouth as their tongues slide, of the heat of Dean's hands on his back, and all the frustratingly thick clothing caught between them. ]
[ Whatever Cas wants of him, Dean is willing to give. When he tells the angel you got me, it's said with purpose and meaning, meant with every beat of his heart and molecule of his soul.
Being yours doesn't sound too bad.
Dean's words echo in his own head as Cas' fingers tug at his shirt and he looks down, realizing what the angel is doing. He peels out of his tee and balls it up, tossing it aside as he meets Cas' eyes, wets his lips with his tongue. ]
I'm all yours. [ A different statement than you got me, he thinks. More meaningful, and it ties in with what he'd said earlier. Dean says things without saying them, using actions and vague references in order to articulate the things he means.
This time, though, he says it direct, putting it out there, consequences be damned. Cas is beautiful and stole Dean's heart, and he'd told him once, not too long ago, during a game he'd let Cas possess him if he needed, and if that isn't fucking commitment and trust and love then Dean doesn't know what is.
He reaches to press his palm on Cas' chest, fingertips spreading over his skin, feeling the thump of a heartbeat under his palm. He flashes a little smirk at Cas, mischief in his eyes as he slides his hand down, thumbing over a nipple. ]
[ As Dean removes his own shirt, Castiel reaches out immediately to touch that newly exposed skin, but he stops, caught by the way Dean looks at him. Dean's eyes are so beautifully expressive; more than windows to his soul, they're gateways paned in stained glass and gold filigree, revealing all the warmth and beauty of a star, burning away in its prime. That star lays itself in Castiel's hands. Dean says, boldly, that he belongs to Castiel, and whether the intention is for today or for always, Castiel is touched by the sentiment, and greedily possessive of what he's been given. Rather than paw at Dean's newly bared chest as he'd planned, Castiel instead covers the hand Dean's laid over his heart, links their fingers, and leans in gradually to kiss Dean's mouth again. His other hand raises as well, a delightfully practiced motion, to cup Dean's cheek, and he rests his thumb at the corner of that brilliant smile as he kisses him softly with all the devotion he can pour into one single act of love. ]
Thank you.
[ It's probably inappropriate to thank someone immediately prior to coitus, but Castiel can't hold back his gratitude. He wants to express how very grateful he is for the trust Dean has given him, for Dean's care during this time in which Castiel is unusually vulnerable, and for Dean's own vulnerability of the human kind that comes with laying oneself bare, physically and emotionally, in the act of sex. He needs Dean to know how very well loved he is, and that's exactly why Castiel has brought him here to this remote cabin, this quiet bedroom, and this plush bed, to show him exactly what Castiel intends to do about it.
His hand still covers Dean's, their fingers loosely linked, but he guides Dean along the path he was already headed, teasing his own nipple in their joined finger and sighing against Dean's mouth at the burst of heat the action brings. As he kisses Dean's mouth with increasingly breathless want, he drags their hands down his chest, and cups Dean's hand over the firm erection trapped against the denim fly of his jeans, because if there were any doubt that Castiel desired him, there's the proof in human flesh. He leaves Dean's hand there, to stay or take another path, but the rushing heat of kissing Dean and having Dean's hand on him has Castiel needy for more contact. He deepens their kisses, licking Dean's tongue as his hands cup Dean's cheeks and slide down his neck, his shoulders, and then push gently on Dean's chest, urging him to lie back. ]
[ He isn't particularly expecting to be thanked, it makes him feel a little awkward but innately pleased, as well. Cas is...special. He's managed to worm his way under Dean's skin, under the trenches and moats he's built around his heart. He's scaled the walls Dean erected, forged through the spindly forest. That he is still here after everything speaks volumes, and Dean can only look at him with admiration, loyalty; Castiel is a brightly burning star and Dean is helpless, caught in his gravity. ]
Um. You're, uh-- you're welcome.
[ Cas is overwhelming, intense and thoughtful in everything he says and does, and Dean is just here to stumble along clumsily beside his angel, doing his best to keep everyone alive and the world from caving in.
He takes these moments he's given and treasures them like precious jewels. These brief instances that he's gifted with, this time spent with Cas, it means the world to him, and he cups Cas carefully, fingers fumbling for the zipper before he's ultimately eased back. He goes without resistance, laying on his back, looking up at Cas as he lets his hands settle on the angels hips, thumbing his skin where he's able, marveling at the way Cas' touch sends fireworks (like chernobyl, he thinks) through his soul.
Dean would happily combust for Cas, allow his soul to explode with the beauty of Cas' grace, sending shockwaves throughout the universe. ]
[ For so long, Castiel has felt like an outsider, even among his own kind. Dean makes him feel welcome in a way Castiel has never experienced. Dean is kindness and love personified, and Castiel adores him. Laying Dean back against the bed and covering him with his body feels like a holy act. Castiel is devastated by the loss of his grace, but he thinks now, if there were ever a reason behind why he is suffering through this trial, it was for this: to worship Dean properly, as only humans were gifted the ability to supplicate themselves to one another and find God in each other's embrace.
Castiel kisses Dean's mouth, and the warmth he feels radiating through him is stronger than fire, or light, or grace. He feels electrified by the touch of Dean's fingertips on his hips, alight from his kisses. ]
I'm yours, as well.
[ It's something they had spoken of before, "my angel," Dean had said, though Castiel feels less angelic than ever in this moment, and yet purer than he's ever felt. He kisses Dean with softness and yearning, and his hands trace over Dean's skin, the rise of his chest and the dip of his stomach, until he's able to cover Dean's hands and guide Dean's fingers the waist of his own pants, eager to be undressed. He leans back, briefly, to meet Dean's eyes. ]
About the offer you made to me, before... Are you ready?
[ They were both lost in the thrall of sex when Dean made that offer to let Castiel fuck him all those days ago, and though Dean had affirmed it in the Impala earlier, that he was still willing, Castiel wants to be sure. He trusts Dean completely, but he knows that Dean often masks his uncertainties with bravado, and Castiel won't risk misinterpreting so intimate an act between them. ]
[ Being kissed by someone so wondrous and awe-inspiring as Cas is intimidating, breathtaking - air sucked from his lungs, leaving them collapsed, useless. Dean's soul is breathed in, hanging softly in the air between parted lips, ghosting over an angel's breath before it's returned home.
The world trembles around them, quakes on its axis, and all Dean can see is the bright of Castiel's eyes, staring back into his. ]
I'm ready.
[ Dean meant it, every word; he made a vow, and while he is certain Cas would release him from it if Dean made noises otherwise, he is certain about his wants, about sharing this with Cas. It is a big offer, this piece of himself, his soul and heart - Dean doesn't give these things easily, and he is trusting Cas with them, with all of his cards spread out on the table. Choose whatever you will, he is yours, in every way. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Explaining how he feels about the angel is difficult, because Cas is an angel, and he's also the first person (being?) Dean has ever really, truly loved. Cassie and Lisa were a close second, but even his affection for the two women pales in comparison to how it feels to be with Cas, to have those fingers push into his hair, to have plush, kiss stung lips brushing his.
Truthfully, there really aren't words to describe it, this thing between them, so vast and extraordinary; simple adjectives fall short, the syntax paltry, a child trying to describe unimaginable, unearthly beauty.
He covers Cas' hand with his, lacing fingers, cock hard between his thighs as he rumbles against Cas' lips. ]
You keep this up and I'm not gonna be able to hold back. [ There's an injury here, and as much as Dean is very interested in upholding his promise, there is the little matter of Cas' wound. ]
no subject
Not right now, though. As apt as poetry would be for how the warmth of Dean's skin and the softness of his lips itself feels to Castiel like poetry or song, he's much more content on keeping Dean's lips occupied just the way they are. Dean's hand covers his, and Castiel lifts his fingers away to tangle them instantly with Dean's. Their joined hands drop to the sheets as Castiel pulls Dean in, holding him tighter, kissing him deeply until Dean's voice interrupts and Castiel is forced to lean back and make space between them enough to put meaning in the words. ]
Good. Don't hold back.
[ Castiel doesn't see the problem. His injury is numbed, wounds all forgotten, and Dean is warm and pliant. He tastes like beer and salt, the freckles on his cheeks stand out beautifully when he's flushed like this, and everything Castiel remembers from their last time in bed together, he wants again. He wants to experience Dean the way only other humans can; he wants to give himself, graceless and vulnerable, completely over to Dean's care. ]
I want you.
[ The words are simple but the meaning of that word, wanting, feels like the depths of the ocean: dark and secret and unimaginable to all but the creatures that exist there. Castiel kisses Dean's mouth again, fully but briefly, before pulling back and kissing the back of his hand where their fingers are twined. He kisses the back of each of Dean's fingers apologetically before letting him go completely, and leaning back, he tugs the shirt Dean had given him reluctantly over his head, sets its messily on the bed, and reaches immediately back in to kiss Dean heatedly again. ]
no subject
Cas makes it easy, though. Maybe it's because there's an angel within the vessel of Jimmy Novak, maybe it's because Cas was first and foremost his friend, maybe it's because Dean is finally pulling his head out of his own damn ass long enough to see that there isn't anything wrong with him caring intimately about someone of the opposite sex. Maybe it's because it's more than physical with Cas.
Same sex relationships have always been just fine for other people, because it isn't Dean, and he doesn't have to admit he's heart wrenchingly jealous to anyone but the most secret, protected part of himself. Dean has been uncomfortable in the presence of such humans only because of his own insecurity and repressed wants and needs and cravings and friggin' hang-ups.
In the end though, it's fine for them. Perfectly fine. Love is love, all that. But for Dean, specifically...
No, it's less than fine. It was never fine; if he ever caught himself looking, he would hear his fathers disappointed voice in his head, scolding him, reminding him he's a man, he's a Winchester, and besides all that - he has a job to do.
In truth - Dean actually has no idea how his father would have reacted. To Cas, to Dean having an interest in him, to any of this. He's got a pretty damn good idea about it just based off of when his father was born and the people he grew up around, but there is no real way of knowing. Daddy is dead, and Dean is here, sitting on the edge of a bed with an actual angel, who is kissing him desperately, hungrily, with so much feeling it leaves Dean breathless and shivery, reaching to slip an arm around Cas' now bare waist, warm skin on skin, intoxicating in its chemistry. ]
Cas-- [ Logic dictates he stop, check the bandage, make sure Cas is actually fine before they go any farther, but their mouths clash again and Dean closes his eyes, stars colliding around them, starbursts behind his eyelids. ]
You got me.
gently covers the date of this tag with my hand
Dean is wonderous; he's infinitely loving. Whatever his insecurities are, Castiel has always seen past them. It isn't with pity or desperation that he offers himself to Castiel; it's love. Dean has always shown him love in one form or another, and Castiel hesitates to call it romantic, but he feels it. And without his grace, that passionate form of love for Dean is only stronger. He leans into Dean, kissing him feverishly, and the wrap of Dean's arm around his bare waist, pulling him closer, has Castiel gasping against Dean's mouth and burning hotter. ]
Yes.
[ Dean offers himself, and that's what Castiel wants: to have Dean for himself, to hold him, and cherish him in every way three dimensions will allow. His hands leave Dean's cheeks to push between them, and he pulls at Dean's shirt, urging him to bare more skin. Yes, he has Dean, but... ]
I want more of you.
[ He wants Dean in ways there aren't words in any human language for. He wants to consume him without destruction, to join him without separation. There's probably poetry that's eloquent enough, but Castiel can't think of anything but of Dean's mouth as their tongues slide, of the heat of Dean's hands on his back, and all the frustratingly thick clothing caught between them. ]
i am no better apparently; what the fuck dw
Being yours doesn't sound too bad.
Dean's words echo in his own head as Cas' fingers tug at his shirt and he looks down, realizing what the angel is doing. He peels out of his tee and balls it up, tossing it aside as he meets Cas' eyes, wets his lips with his tongue. ]
I'm all yours. [ A different statement than you got me, he thinks. More meaningful, and it ties in with what he'd said earlier. Dean says things without saying them, using actions and vague references in order to articulate the things he means.
This time, though, he says it direct, putting it out there, consequences be damned. Cas is beautiful and stole Dean's heart, and he'd told him once, not too long ago, during a game he'd let Cas possess him if he needed, and if that isn't fucking commitment and trust and love then Dean doesn't know what is.
He reaches to press his palm on Cas' chest, fingertips spreading over his skin, feeling the thump of a heartbeat under his palm. He flashes a little smirk at Cas, mischief in his eyes as he slides his hand down, thumbing over a nipple. ]
So do something about it.
i can't believe dw hates destiel
Thank you.
[ It's probably inappropriate to thank someone immediately prior to coitus, but Castiel can't hold back his gratitude. He wants to express how very grateful he is for the trust Dean has given him, for Dean's care during this time in which Castiel is unusually vulnerable, and for Dean's own vulnerability of the human kind that comes with laying oneself bare, physically and emotionally, in the act of sex. He needs Dean to know how very well loved he is, and that's exactly why Castiel has brought him here to this remote cabin, this quiet bedroom, and this plush bed, to show him exactly what Castiel intends to do about it.
His hand still covers Dean's, their fingers loosely linked, but he guides Dean along the path he was already headed, teasing his own nipple in their joined finger and sighing against Dean's mouth at the burst of heat the action brings. As he kisses Dean's mouth with increasingly breathless want, he drags their hands down his chest, and cups Dean's hand over the firm erection trapped against the denim fly of his jeans, because if there were any doubt that Castiel desired him, there's the proof in human flesh. He leaves Dean's hand there, to stay or take another path, but the rushing heat of kissing Dean and having Dean's hand on him has Castiel needy for more contact. He deepens their kisses, licking Dean's tongue as his hands cup Dean's cheeks and slide down his neck, his shoulders, and then push gently on Dean's chest, urging him to lie back. ]
im genuinely mad about it
Um. You're, uh-- you're welcome.
[ Cas is overwhelming, intense and thoughtful in everything he says and does, and Dean is just here to stumble along clumsily beside his angel, doing his best to keep everyone alive and the world from caving in.
He takes these moments he's given and treasures them like precious jewels. These brief instances that he's gifted with, this time spent with Cas, it means the world to him, and he cups Cas carefully, fingers fumbling for the zipper before he's ultimately eased back. He goes without resistance, laying on his back, looking up at Cas as he lets his hands settle on the angels hips, thumbing his skin where he's able, marveling at the way Cas' touch sends fireworks (like chernobyl, he thinks) through his soul.
Dean would happily combust for Cas, allow his soul to explode with the beauty of Cas' grace, sending shockwaves throughout the universe. ]
no subject
Castiel kisses Dean's mouth, and the warmth he feels radiating through him is stronger than fire, or light, or grace. He feels electrified by the touch of Dean's fingertips on his hips, alight from his kisses. ]
I'm yours, as well.
[ It's something they had spoken of before, "my angel," Dean had said, though Castiel feels less angelic than ever in this moment, and yet purer than he's ever felt. He kisses Dean with softness and yearning, and his hands trace over Dean's skin, the rise of his chest and the dip of his stomach, until he's able to cover Dean's hands and guide Dean's fingers the waist of his own pants, eager to be undressed. He leans back, briefly, to meet Dean's eyes. ]
About the offer you made to me, before... Are you ready?
[ They were both lost in the thrall of sex when Dean made that offer to let Castiel fuck him all those days ago, and though Dean had affirmed it in the Impala earlier, that he was still willing, Castiel wants to be sure. He trusts Dean completely, but he knows that Dean often masks his uncertainties with bravado, and Castiel won't risk misinterpreting so intimate an act between them. ]
no subject
The world trembles around them, quakes on its axis, and all Dean can see is the bright of Castiel's eyes, staring back into his. ]
I'm ready.
[ Dean meant it, every word; he made a vow, and while he is certain Cas would release him from it if Dean made noises otherwise, he is certain about his wants, about sharing this with Cas. It is a big offer, this piece of himself, his soul and heart - Dean doesn't give these things easily, and he is trusting Cas with them, with all of his cards spread out on the table. Choose whatever you will, he is yours, in every way. ]
More than.